GUNYU writes IT !!

To do list until the end of this year

2011-09-29T15:29:00.002+07:00

Sekarang, di penghujung akhir bulan September, gw jadi menyadari banyak sekali hal2 yang harus dan belum gw lakukan hingga akhir tahun ini, atau lebih tepatnya akhir semester ini. Dan kayaknya gw harus mulai nge-list semuanya deh. Okay, let's do it!

1. Tugas Akhir
Oke, ini wajib kudu harus selesai di akhir semester ini! HARUS!!! Strive for it, gunyu! Hahahah~ Lebih detailnya, mari kita buat timeline.

Oktober :
Tujuan udah jelas, tinggal metodenya gimana. Selesai cari metode, ayo mulai penelitian dan coba2 data. Kalo metode udah jelas, baru deh cari data.
Sambil jalan, mulai buat Bab I dan Bab II.
Pada akhir bulan Oktober, Bab I dan Bab II udah harus beres, dan udah mulai tulis2 Bab III!!!

November :
Penelitian harus udah mulai jalan, karenanya bulan ini akan fokus ngerjain Bab III & IV.
Akhir bulan ini, Bab III udah harus selesai ditulis dan apa yang mau ditulis di Bab IV udah harus jelas!!

Desember :
Desember bakal jadi bulan yang singkat sepertinya. Ayo tulis Bab IV, dan selesaikan Bab V juga. Perbaikan, jilid, dan sebagainya makan waktu lho. SEBELUM NATAL HARUS UDAH DIJILID!! Ayo Natalan dengan tenang!!! Hahahah~ xD

Jangan lupa berdoa juga, wkwk~

2. Laporan KP
Nah ini sih udah jadi sebenernya, tinggal kirim ke pembimbing untuk revisi. Tanggal 17 Oktober presentasi lho. Siapkan dengan baik!!

3. Danus KMK UI
Kayaknya dalam waktu dekat harus mengadakan rapat lagi. Moga2 semuanya pada bisa dateng deh. Duit juga belum dihitung lagi nih haha~

4. Asisten Dosen MatDas 1
Harus buka2 kalkulus lagiiii~~~ heyaahhhhh~~~ hahahah~ urusan asdos mengasdos tahun ini unpredictable banget dah, serius... Hyahh~ ayo sit in, tiap kamis jam 8 di R 2302. Lebih baik daripada baca2 sendiri.......

5. Lembaga Asisten
Gw kepikiran banyak hal sih di sini. Bisakah dirintis? Daripada serabutan gini, gw pikir harusnya sih dirintis. Tapi mengingat salah satu BSO lainnya yang jatuh bangun juga, lama2 gw jadi agak2 berpikir walaupun sekarang dibuat terstruktur juga bisa jadi bakal jatuh bangun juga jadinya hahah~ susah juga sih, ckck... Well then let's just see what I can do about it....

6. TOEFL
Ini wajib kudu harus diambil ketika pengumuman fast track udah keluar dan gw diterima. Kalo ga ada TOEFL, buang2 waktu 1,5 tahun nih! Ayo semangat!!

Well, that's it? Apalagi ya, perasaan tadi banyak haha... (ini juga udah banyak bukan xD)

Oke ntar kalo inget lagi post lagi deh, sekarang ini dulu hohoho~

Semangat, gunyu! Strive for it, gunyu!!! \(^o^)/

I wonder...

2011-08-17T23:01:00.005+07:00

Kenapa ya saya capek tiap kali kita ribut soal hal yang sama?
Bagaimana bisa kita punya pandangan yang sangat berbeda tapi kita sama2 keras kepala dan tidak ada yang mau mengalah?

Anda juga sudah capek kan? Saya yang cuek saja udah capek banget loh.

Sabar?
Saya sedang mencoba bersabar kok, makanya saya diam.

Sopan?
Hmm, gimana caranya ngomong sopan sama anda dan anda bisa tanggapi dengan baik?
Seingat saya, pertama kali saya memohon sama anda dengan sopan, anda malah maki2 saya :)

Ngalah?
... Jadi anda mau suruh saya menjalani hidup yang saya sebut "tidak hidup"?

Kenapa ya di dunia ini ada hubungan yang serumit ini, sehingga tidak mungkin "diputuskan" begitu saja?

Atau anda lebih memilih untuk dibohongi ya? :)

I'm sorry, this is how I'm gonna live my life

2011-07-16T22:58:00.005+07:00

Deeply from my heart, without a slightest lie, I never regret being born female. Really, I love being a female, even though it is not that lovable sometimes. But I never regret it, really. I even think, if God gives me a chance to choose, I'm gonna choose to be a female again. But sometimes, I can't help but envy how much freedom a man can have...

Sebagian besar orang di sekitar gw emang membatasi kebebasan cewek dengan seribu satu alasan. Banyak banget hal yang diawali dengan "masa cewek blablabla, harusnya kan blablabla..." atau "cewek kok begitu sih..." dan jaraannggg banget gw denger kata2 yang sama dengan mengganti kata "cewek" jadi "cowok".

Konservatif?

Normal?

Atau gw aja yang kebanyakan nonton film barat di mana orang barat memang sering disebut-sebut mendewakan kebebasan?

Atau emang gw yang keterlaluan?

If I am, then, why do I enjoy my freedom so much?
Am I violate your rights by doing so?

Why do I feel happy with that?

Why can't they let others have it, but not me?
Because people are good at covering their acts while I'm not?

Really, I am okay with every single special care you give to the others. I'm jealous? No. Believe me, I'm not. Why do you think I am not? Because I have a very big heart to accept it?

No!
It's because simply I think people have the right to give care to anybody they want. Why should I be jealous? There's no free love in this world of humans, really. Even if there is, the portion will not be 100% free anyway.

So I don't take it to heart when you wonder whether he has already had his dinner or not because you are not to make dinner if he has when I'm home and you know I haven't.

So I have no hard feeling when you care more to him than to me.

So I try not to complain when he comes home very very late after playing around and you say nothing at all despite the fact you don't like it, even though you always speak it up when it comes to me.

So, just because I am born female, I have to bear those feelings forever? So you expect me to be silence when you explode when I ask for freedom as much as his?

Really, sometimes I try not to care, but sometimes I can't...
No matter how hard I try, even though my logic understands, my heart can't...

I'm sorry I am not how you expect me to be.
I'm sorry I always do what I want.
I'm sorry I don't want to lie to myself and be someone I'm not.

And if you can't forgive me, then be it.
I'm not gonna change, I'm sorry...
I'll live with that...

To be a mature person

2011-02-06T21:41:00.003+07:00

Ada saat-saat gw merasa, gw udah cukup dewasa dalam menghadapi masalah. Banyak lho orang yang bilang, kalo cara gw menyelesaikan masalah itu nggak seperti layaknya orang-orang seumuran gw...

Hmm.... Entah kenapa, sekarang gw sendiri udah lupa, diri gw yang seperti apakah yang orang sebut "dewasa" itu?

Kalau mau dirunut, mungkin kembali ke masa awal-awal masuk kuliah ya. Waktu SMA, waktu kayaknya berjalan gitu aja, cuma untuk belajar-belajar-belajar. Entah harus nyesel atau nggak. Dalam beberapa hal, gw sangat bersyukur sih bisa masuk sana. Banyak banget dapet pelajaran yang berharga. Tapi banyak juga masalah kehidupan lainnya yang tertinggal. Ketika masuk kuliah, dunia gw otomatis berganti. Dan di sana gw jadi menghadapi banyak masalah yang sebelumnya belum pernah gw hadapi.

Dari sana, awalnya gw jadi lebih mengerti diri sendiri. Ternyata teori yang selama ini ada di otak gw itu nggak bisa diterapkan ketika gw menghadapi masalahnya langsung. Di awal-awal inilah, seperti yang gw bilang di atas, cara gw menyelesaikan masalah itu disebut orang "dewasa".

Tetapi, semakin gw menghadapi masalah yang sama dalam skala yang semakin berat, kenapa akhirnya gw jadi merasa semakin kekanak-kanakan ya?

Oke, sebelumnya, mari mendefinikan "kedewasaan". Apa ya kedewasaan itu?
Menurut gw, dewasa artinya bisa mengambil keputusan yang bijaksana. Orang yang dewasa bisa berpikir secara logis, profesional, bisa menekan ego dan perasaan demi kebaikan. Orang yang dewasa juga tau bagaimana harus bertindak dalam suatu keadaan tertentu, tau kapan harus berjuang lebih keras tapi juga tau kapan harus mundur dan menerima kekalahan dengan hati lapang.

Gw rasa definisi gw itu masih kurang... Tapi, berangkat dari definisi di atas pun, gw merasa semakin lama gw malah semakin mengalami kemunduran.

Kenapa ya, belakangan ini gw semakin sulit menerima kekalahan? Kenapa dulu gw bisa lebih berhati lapang dan menekan perasaan?

Mengenai masalah yang sedang gw hadapi sekarang juga, ada sebuah "solusi" yang menurut gw bisa menyelesaikan masalah dan membuka dunia gw pada hal-hal yang baru. Tapi, kalo mau dipikir dua kali, apa iya ini "solusi"? Atau hanya sekedar "lari dari masalah"?

If only there were someone whom I can trust and his/her maturity is undoubted, I could just ask him/her what I'm going through!

Love is...

2010-12-10T00:00:00.003+07:00

Love is so irresponsible.

It comes without a warn,
that all you could do is to surrender.

Then it blinds your mind, your sense, your heart,
makes you seem like a fool for doing unnecessary things...

And you'll keep dong those kind of things voluntarily.

Someday,
on the day I am not sure of what to call it with,
it leaves.

It just disappears like nothing.
Even worse, it only takes the blindfold.

It doesn't take the bitter-sweet memories it has made,
nor does it take the weary of doing every stupid things in the name of it.
The worst part that it doesn't take its footprints which will never be gone from your heart.

And every time you remember it, it pains you, no matter how light the feeling is...

So don't trust it, for you can always fall for a wrong person...

Just a random thinking

2010-11-17T01:57:00.007+07:00

Waktu sudah lamaaaa~ sekali, guw pernah iseng-iseng main kayak sejenis online personality type berdasarkan tanggal lahir dan jenis kelamin. Doubutsu uranai kalo ga salah namanya. Hehe... Ternyata pas guw baca-baca di creditsnya, isi deskripsi personality di situ sama kayak buku fengshui yang pernah dibacain temen nyokap. Ceritanya ada yang sama sih. Cuma mungkin beberapa ga disebutkan aja kali ya, karena menurut temen nyokap guw itu kurang penting.

Pertama kali guw denger, em, sebutlah "ramalan" (?) tentang diri guw itu dari doubutsu uranai, guw cuma buat lucu2an aja. Ada yang guw pikir bener, ya udah. Ada yang guw pikir ga tepat, ya udah juga sih. Cuma asal lewat karena memang niatnya buat lucu2an karena ditag doank haha.

Ada sih satu hal yang dulu guw deny, yaitu pernyataan ini : "You are extremely sensitive".

Well~~ I wouldn't have said that I was sensitive, especially when it added the "extremely" word before "sensitive". Yah, guw pikir guw orang yang sangat easy-going dan cuek lho. Dan pemikiran guw itu banyak dikuatkan oleh orang2 di sekitar guw. Jadi guw pikir, ramalan ini lebay aja kali ya, di bagian "extremely sensitive" ini. Hahaha~ but that WAS almost a year and a half ago!

Makin lama, guw jadi makin sadar lho. Ternyata benar yah, saya itu "sensitive enough". Sampai2 teman guw seriiinngg banget bilang ke guw, "Loe tuh kebanyakan mikir, tau ga!" hahaha... Oke, guw terima kenyataan bahwa guw "sensitive enough".

Tapi, belakangan ini, guw jadi makin sadar, bahwa sekarang "sensitive enough" udah ga bisa lagi mewakili keadaan guw. Dan akhirnya jadi benarlah ramalan itu, that is I am extremely sensitive.

... Kenapa yah?

Wah! Ga ngerti juga ya. Tapi guw bener2 merasa, belakangan ini, hal dikit aja nyentil guw, langsung guw pikirin. Langusng deh, guw tekankan ke diri guw sndiri, "Wah! Ternyata itu ga baik lho! Jangan pernah dilakukan lagi!", begitu. Sebenernya, guw sndiri sadar. Over self-conscious dan berusaha terlalu keras seperti itu jelek. Tapi gimana ya, I can't help but to feel bad for what I did :(

Mungkin saya adalah pemakai topeng yang baik ya. Ga banyak orang yang tau seperti apa saya sebenarnya, kalau saya ga cerita. Ketika saya cerita pun, tidak semuanya langsung percaya dan menganggap hal itu normal (untuk seorang "saya" haha).

Hmm... Sebenarnya, kalau ditanya kenapa, mungkin saya bisa sebutkan satu alasan yang membuat kata "enough" berubah jadi "extremely". Pengalaman baru memang membuat saya semakin mengenal diri sendiri. Apa iya ya, ini yang disebut dengan proses pembelajaran?

Jadi, saya yang tiba2 sadar kalau saya orang yang "extremely sensitive" itu hal baik apa buruk ya? Hahaha...

What a question...

Sampai penilaian baik dan buruk itu belum bisa saya (sendiri) berikan, mungkin saya belum bisa menentukan, apa yang akan saya lakukan selanjutnya. Tapi saya tidak berpikir untuk mengubah image saya di depan orang-orang banyak. Biarlah :)

for people around me whom I always depend on, thanks, and sorry too!

2010-08-23T03:23:00.002+07:00

Susah cari orang yang bisa diandalkan. Kalaupun orang tersebut bisa diandalkan, kadang dia sudah menjadi andalan orang lain sehingga tidak memungkinkan untuk mengandalkannya lagi.

Kalau sekedar orang yang bisa bekerja asalkan diperintah sih, ada di mana-mana. Tidak perlu disebutkan lagi, orang2 yang bisanya hanya memerintah tapi tidak bisa diperintah. Tetapi, orang yang punya inisiatif dan bisa mencapai tujuan tanpa perlu deskripsi yang detail sangat jarang. Justru orang seperti inilah yang saya sebut dengan 'orang yang bisa diandalkan'. Menurut saya, orang yang bisa diandalkan adalah seseorang yang bisa memimpin dirinya sendiri. Setidaknya, itu hal pertama yang harus bisa ia lakukan. Bagaimana mungkin ia bisa memimpin orang lain dengan baik, jika bahkan dirinya sendiri pun gagal ia pimpin?

Kemudian, saya jadi ingin minta maaf.

Maaf ya teman2 yang selalu menjadi andalan saya... Saya benar2 tidak bermaksud membebani kalian dan 'bergantung' pada kalian terus menerus, tetapi saya butuh setidaknya satu-dua orang yang bisa diandalkan sepenuhnya untuk membantu saya. Saya butuh orang yang bisa dipercaya, orang yang bertanggung jawab, orang yang bisa bertukar pikiran dengan saya, dan orang yang bisa memimpin dirinya sendiri hingga akhirnya ia bisa 'memimpin' orang2 yang lainnya. Saya butuh orang2 yang bisa membuat saya tenang dan berpikir, "Ah, sudah ada dia yang mengurus hal tersebut. Setidaknya saya tidak perlu pusing memikirkan detail2 tentang hal tersebut dan memfokuskan diri saya untuk mengurus hal2 lainnya."

Saya ingin kalian tau, bahwa bantuan kalian sangat membantu saya, dan saya bersyukur ada orang2 yang bisa saya andalkan di saat saya benar2 membutuhkannya. Toh saya sendiri bukan tipe yang seenaknya melempar tanggung jawab yang seharusnya milik saya. Saya juga tidak akan minta tolong jika saya yakin sanggup melakukannya sendiri...

Akhir kata, saya tidak menulis ini untuk menyindir pihak mana pun, justru saya lebih menekankan ucapan terima kasih dan apresiasi kepada orang2 yang selama ini banyak saya repotkan dan saya andalkan dalam banyak hal. Terima kasih ya teman2, dan maaf juga sudah merepotkan... Jangan bosan2 membantu saya ya, hehehe!

A Thinking

2010-07-30T21:00:00.002+07:00

A thought...

That was all I thought...

Why is it so hard to do what you think is right?

Then again, why is it, even though you had convinced yourself about what was right, someday, later on, there might be a chance you regret it, even just for a little?

A thinking...

If...

If what we think about may delude our mind, then why do people bother to think about everything...?

And then again, as for what's been on my mind lately, let's take it as a thought too. No one knows what is right... Neither do I... Since I think that, my decision is neither wrong nor right, all I can do now is to keep trying to convince myself, that it is right. Maybe I just haven't seen the end of my decision... :)

Hardest Possible-Things to Do

2010-04-08T00:21:00.002+07:00

Hmm... Well, somehow this midnight (again... :p) I come to think about things I cannot do and things I'm not able to do..."Things you cannot do" and "Things you are not able to do" are two different matters for me. Let me go further with my description about it.

Let's just say, when I cannot do something, it means no matter how hard I try, I'll never succeed. Maybe it's because of my lack, of maybe it's because that thing is against my principal. It means that thing is impossible to do. But when it comes to "the thing I am not able to do", it means it is still possible, but somehow I just can't manage myself to achieve it...

*sigh*

I don't know whether "not to do something you are not able to do" is a good thing or a bad thing... I mean, when something is in fact possible to do, then in my mind I know I can or should do it, but my feeling won't let me.

The simplest example is being tidy and diligent. Oh my, that's such a pain, really... Well sorry to say this, but I can't help it! Well for now, I gave up to be, but I know I can't be like this forever. There'll be time when I HAVE to change, and I'm kinda grateful it's not now...

The same thing goes with thing thing: being honest about my own feelings...

Gaahhh~ I don't know why, but my own feelings often deny to do so! Well of course in some case, I'm just playing "save", means I don't want things to get complicated with my honesty. But mostly, it's because when it comes to the time when I'm expected to be honest, I always think about "what if it ends? Wouldn't it be better off without saying the truth so that nobody knows about my sorrows?"

Such a coward thinking... I know it, but I just can't being myself to say them honestly... And then again, once I come to the state where I don't care about the ending anymore, I sometimes don't want then to get their heads so big, or just don't want them to think that I'm the way I trully am... Nah, such a complicated thinking... That's maybe why a friend of mine always reminds me how I tend to think too much about the things I shouldn't think...

Well, lastly, all I can say that, you don't have to try to understand me, since I'm the jerk to let you wonder... It's my own fault if people come to misunderstood me... Well I don't really care anyway, but still there are people whom I don't want to be misunderstood, despite the fact that being honest is the hardest possible-thing to do... Hopefully you have enough patience to wait for me to try more *grin*

Okay , Whatsoever .

2010-01-18T22:23:00.003+07:00

Why do I have to struggle something I don't own?

Why do I have to do something when all I get is uncertainty?

Why do I have to fix something I don't even know whether or not it's worth to be?

I'm so damn tired... Come on, everything is fuzzy! Some says I should not pull out, but how could I when I don't even get a single word?

Home, Pillow, and Love

2010-01-12T19:06:00.005+07:00

Guw pernah nemenin kakak guw nyari kado Taon Baru untuk gebetan dya. Trus pas lagi muter-muter, menimbang-nimbang, bla bla bla, tiba-tiba dya ngomong kayak gini, "Wah, cowok loe nanti minimal harus kayak guw nih"

Woooo, really... That may sound like he's so full of himself, but I dare say he's not bragging! I've known him for years, and I can guarantee he's really a good man... He might be unromantic guy (honestly), but he always tries to give his care to his dearest in his own way, though I have to admit it's kinda clumsy. Well but still, I think his way may not be working to make someone to be "attracted" to him...

Anyway, the point is in my opinion, there are 3 different feelings toward people we cherish. People we cherish don't have to always be the opposite sex, it's just that we need to feel that those people are around us.

HOME
The 'home' here is not the literary house or building, but it's somewhere you'll always come back for. Well I have to admit, I feel comfortable the most when I'm inside my house, but I think if my family weren't there then I wouldn't call it home. So to me, 'home' means somewhere or someone who is able to make you feel save and comfortable the most and you can be yourself all the way you want. And until now, no one has ever been able to make me feel this way beside my own family...

PILLOW
Overall, 'home' may be the one I need the most for now. But still there are things I cannot tell them about. Well sometimes I can't even tell why I'm in a bad mood, or why I feel like upset, or whatsoever. And when that time comes, the first person I'll search is not my 'home', but my 'pillow'. Just like how it literary means, 'pillow' comforts you, and you can do anything in front of it: dreaming on, telling stuffs you can't tell other people about, being honest, laughing, and even crying...

LOVE
Okay, now love! I guess it's not hard to describe, but let me try my description. Love is insane! The more you love, the more it drives you crazy. At first you'll be satisfied only by looking him/her, and a little talk will make you feel like exploding. But once you talk, you'll over-enjoy it and crave for more so that little talk won't satisfy you anymore. Then maybe you'll want to share stories of life with him/her. And later, without realizing you'll be waiting for him/her to contact you, your eyes will always be searching for him/her, your mind will be full of him/her, and you'll be needing his/her presence around you. And that's it, you've just fallen in love and backing off won't be easy. I guess this is the lowest level of loving. To love someone is not that simple and easy, really... And love is blind, it is so true!

You need no reason to fall in love, but there are so many reasons to be in a relationship. I think love is not enough to be in a relationship with someone else. But still it doesn't mean we can have a relationship with someone we don't love... So love is one of a requirement to be in a relationship, I think... But to rethink about it, can we really be in a relationship with someone who can't make you feel comfortable and save? So it means, that person must be not only your 'love' but also your 'pillow'. The question is, are you able to 'love' your 'pillow'?

As for 'home', I think it's not necessary yet. It'll be when you're marrying that person. :p

Finally, what I wanna say is, can we choose whom we'll fall in love with while it's one of the crucial requirement of being in a relationship...? So when my brother said that thing to me, I come to think, wow it's gonna be a difficult requirement *lol*

But then, there's one question acrossing my mind.

What if, when you think you love someone, the person you're searching in the first place when you're in trouble is your 'pillow'?
Does it mean you don't really love your 'love'?
Or does it mean you love your 'pillow'...?

Ask, and you'll be given

2010-01-06T02:35:00.003+07:00

Somehow, even though now is 2:36 AM, I feel like writing something.

Waw. Come on you should be amazed! *lol* It's ME you're talking about, and to mention it's not the time to stay awake for a good kid. ... Well forget it, I know I'm not that damn good kid.

Okay! So what should I write? *lol*

Ehem, oke, serius. Udah taon 2010 cuy, masih maen-maen aja, ckck guw... Yak jadi ceritanya sih tiba-tiba guw pengen nulis-nulis sesuatu di blog guw yang ga terurus banget ini, lebih parah dari kamar guw, hahaha~ Mungkin untuk pemanasan, hal-hal yang ga terlalu penting dulu kali ya. I'll give you a lil report about my grade (lah ga penting apanya itu wakakak~)

Yak jadi! Pas guw nulis post ini, guw di penghujung akhir semester 3. Abis belom semua nilai keluar sih, padahal hari hari (yang notabene tanggalnya udah berganti) adalah batas pengumpulan nilai. Dasar Fasil*om, deadliners gile, hahaha! *curcol :p*

Ya jadi, terus terang guw sangat amazed sama nilai guw. Kok bisa keluarnya segini?? Hwahahah~ really it's all thanks to GOD! He's really really wonderful, thanks God! Mungkin awalnya guw kebanyakan maen-maen kali ya, akhirnya sampe belakang ga ngejer deh. Akhirnya walopun pas UAS kayaknya sih nilai guw ga jelek-jelek amat, ga bisa terlalu mendongkrak nilai secara maksimal. Jadi sedikit menyesal. Kenapa ya guw malesnya ampun-ampunan, yaampun...

Untuk dapet nilai perfect itu susah banget ya. You really have to understand every details that it's not that you only acknowledge the lessons but you also have to master the whole lessons. And really, it's such a difficult thing to do...

Sirik guw sama orang-orang yang main-main tapi nilainya bagus. Ampun deh, dunia tidak adil! *mulai lebay hahaha!* Mungkin itulah deritanya orang bebal macam guw kali ya. Untuk meraih a perfection guw harus kerja keras dobel, itu pun masih bisa meleset. Tapi bener deh, kalo udah kerja keras, dan tercapai tujuannya, rasa puasnya juga dobel dibanding kalo tujuan itu guw dapat dengan mudah, ahahah~ belagu banget yak guw ;p

Masih ada 3 nilai lagi yang belum keluar nih. Moga-moga semuanya mendekati bahkan perfect deh! hahaha~ Well as "Ask, and you'll be given," I will say now, God please give me another miracle...?

The Same Feeling

2009-12-13T14:33:00.002+07:00

Guw inget dengan persis sekali, kapan pertama kali guw nulis blog, dan kenapa. Mungkin bisa dibilang tepat di saat yang sama kayak sekarang, setaon yang lalu. Alasannya pun masih sangat guw ingat dengan jelas. Lalu entah kenapa, di saat yang sama, setahun kemudian, guw jadi pengen nulis blog lagi, dengan perasaan yang sama mirisnya, tapi jauh lebih dipengaruhi emosi kali ini...

*sigh!*

I really really hope a sigh, a medicine, or whatever can take away the ache in me... If only there were such a thing.....

Mungkin emang cuma keegoisan guw semata, mungkin cuma ketidakdewasaan guw, mungkin cuma kekeraskepalaan guw... Tapi susah banget rasanya terima kenyataan. Sama kayak taon lalu, pas guw denger keputusan itu, I kept repeating in my mind, "Udah? Selesai? Beneran kayak gitu?"

"Udah? Ga akan bisa diubah lagi?"

Oh how I wished I could turn back time! How I wished my hearing were flamming me! How I wished I were inside a dream! And so do I now...

Guw tau kok segimana tidak dewasanya guw dengan bertindak kayak gini. Tapi ga tau juga deh. Kecewa banget rasanya... Still I have to think about how people see me in their eyes. Sucked. Reality's really really sucked.

I wish I hadn't overdone it from the very start. BUT I DID. And I hate the way it's just 'POOF!' right in front of my eyes.

Oh God... I've always been saying, "Let God's way be my way", tapi kok jadi makin banyak ya hal-hal yang membuat guw semakin sulit untuk menepati kata-kata itu? Oh Gos please please please... Please keep me believe in Your plan!

This time is a WAY WORSE than last year. Taon lalu, guw mendengar keputusan itu tepat setelah ujian guw selesai, sedangkan taon ini guw mendengar keputusan itu tepat SEBELUM ujian guw mulai. Damn. Damn damn damn!

Maybe a week or two week ago, I just had this thinking in my mind: this Christmas would definitely a way better than last year! Tapi kok sekarang guw jadi ga yakin ya. Taon lalu guw ngejalanin Natal dengan perasaan yang agak miris. Entahlah taon ini. I really really hope for a miracle to take me away...

Rasanya pengen meledak kalo guw harus menahan ini sendirian. Tapi kalo guw cerita ke orang, cuma akan membuat mereka memandang rendah. Karena guw tau ini cuma emosi semata. Kekanak-kanakan dan ga dewasa. Maaf yah...

Maaf yah... I am THAT low... I want to share this with you, even though I know it may disappoint you to know the real me... I can only hope you'll understand, because your presence keeps me strong. So please stay with me for a while...?

How funny to find almamater in "Sekolah di Jakarta Tinggikan Standar Kelulusan" ^^;;

2009-04-17T17:12:00.002+07:00

Barusan pas guw online dan messenger guw secara otomatis menampilkan today's news, guw sedikit terusik dengan judul artikel berita ini: Sekolah di Jakarta Tinggikan Standar Kelulusan. Iya juga ya, UN (Ujian Nasional) udah di depan mata, yaitu tanggal 20 - 24 April 2009. Berikut kutipan jadwal ujiannya beserta mata pelajarannya yang guw ambil dari http://candrapetra.wordpress.com/2009/01/.

Standar Kelulusan UN 2009
Peserta UN dinyatakan lulus jika memenuhi standar kelulusan UN sebagai berikut:- memiliki nilai rata-rata minimal 5,50 untuk seluruh mata pelajaran yang diujikan,- dengan nilai minimal 4,00 untuk paling banyak dua mata pelajaran dan minimal 4,25 untuk mata pelajaran lainnya.

Berikut adalah mata pelajaran untuk UN SMA 2009.

UN 2009 SMA Program IPA
1. Bahasa Indonesia Senin, 20 April 09
2. Bahasa Inggris Selasa, 21 April 09
3. Matematika Rabu, 22 April 09
4. Fisika Kamis, 23 April 09
5. Kimia Jumat, 24 April 09
6. Biologi Senin, 20 April 09

UN 2009 SMA Program IPS
1. Bahasa Indonesia Senin, 20 April 09
2. Bahasa Inggris Selasa, 21 April 09
3. Matematika Rabu, 22 April 09
4. Ekonomi Jumat, 24 April 09
5. Sosiologi Senin, 20 April 09
6. Geografi Kamis, 23 April 09

UN 2009 SMA Program Bahasa
1. Bahasa Indonesia Senin, 20 April 09
2. Bahasa Inggris Selasa, 21 April 09
3. Matematika Rabu, 22 April 09
4. Sastra Indonesia Kamis, 23 April 09
5. Sejarah / Antropologi Senin, 20 April 09
6. Bahasa Asing Jumat, 24 April 09

Nah, yang bikin kocak, pas baca artikel ini.

(dari http://news.id.msn.com/local/okezone/article.aspx?cp-documentid=3183029 )

JAKARTA - Banyak sekolah swasta dan negeri di Jakarta menaikkan nilai standar kelulusan di atas batas standar nasional 5,50. Ini dilakukan untuk menaikkan kualitas mutu pendidikan.
Kepala Bidang Kurikulum Dinas Pendidikan DKI Jakarta Amsani Idris mengatakan, lebih dari 50 sekolah negeri dan swasta yang menerapkan standar lebih tinggi dari yang ditetapkan pemerintah pusat.

"Karena ada kebijakan Manajemen Berbasis Sekolah (MBS), pihak sekolah mempunyai kewenangan sendiri dengan menaikkan standar dari 6,00 hingga 7,00," katanya di Jakarta, Kamis (16/4/2009).

Amsani menyebutkan dari puluhan sekolah tersebut di antaranya sekolah negeri yakni SMA 70, SMA 8, SMA 13, SMA 78, SMA 81 SMA 21 dan SMA 6.

Beberapa sekolah swasta di antaranya SMA Santa Ursula, SMA Al Azhar, SMA Lab School dan SMA IPK Tomang. "Penetapan standar tinggi ini agar kualitas pendidikan meningkat,"katanya.

Penetapan passing grade yang lebih tinggi ini, lanjutnya, tidak melanggar peraturan yang ditetapkan pemerintah pusat. Malah, dapat memicu kompetensi sekolah-sekolah di Jakarta dan siswa pun juga terpancing untuk belajar lebih baik, sehingga target kelulusan 100 persen pun tercapai.

Beberapa tindakan yang dilakukan sekolah agar mencapai target di antaranya dengan try out dan les intensif.

Kriteria passing grade lebih tinggi ini yakni sekolah yang tercatat sebagai sekolah dengan kurikulum berstandar nasional dengan nilai kelulusan yang tinggi.

Tak hanya harus disetujui oleh Dinas Pendidikan dengan mengirimkan surat pengajuan satu bulan sebelumnya, namun juga harus meminta restu dari orangtua murid. "Sudah dari tahun lalu diterapkan. Dan hasilnya tidak ada yang mengecewakan," ucapnya.

Guw pengen ketawa deh bacanya... Hahaha! Kenapa? Karena guw ngeliat almamater guw tertulis di sana. (Kalian yang guw tag juga pastinya menyadari almamater kalian juga tertulis di sana ;p)

Kenapa ketawa? Kocak! Wakakak~ kok baru sekarang ya hebohnya... Guw ga tau sih sekolah2 lain gimana,, tapi klo Sanur mah udah dari kapan tau bikin standar kelulusan sendiri. Hmm,, waktu angkatan guw berapa ya? Kalo ga salah 6,5 deh. Guw juga agak2 lupa secara dulu di Sanur standar kelulusan itu bukan lagi yang utama. Abisnya batas remed'nya dulu 7,5 sih,, udah ga berasa lagi hahaha!

Sebenernya guw iseng2 aja sih nyari ini, cuma pengen tau aja kehidupan di luar sana. Yah, guw cuma bisa bilang: 2009, kalian cukup beruntung lho punya 5 hari untuk UN. Dari jauh2 hari udah ada kejelasan bahwa UN 6 mata pelajaran. Kita 2008 baru tau kejelasan itu di penghujung akhir semester 1. Dulu kita cuma punya 3 hari, dengan tiap harinya 2 ujian. Kita harus belajar Fisika berbarengan dengan Biologi! Bayangin deh... hahaha~ Kalian cukup beruntung Biologi bareng Bahasa Indonesia, trus yang lainnya satu2. Tapi tetep ga boleh lengah lho. Ayo semangat belajarnya!! ^^/

Jason Mraz album : We Sing We Dance We Steal Things

2009-02-19T20:31:00.006+07:00

Hey! This is my post after soooo long and I guess I'm in the mood to write right now...

This time I'm sharing the best album from my playlist, it's Jason Mraz : We Sing We Dance We Steal Things, since he's coming to Jakarta this March (which made me so thrilled!) in Java Jazz Festival 2009. There will be 2 special performances there, held on 6 and 7 March. Well, you can see more details on the Java Jazz Festival official page, I don't feel like putting the link here since I'm not paid *LOL*

Here's the album list...

JASON MRAZ

We Sing We Dance We Steal Things

01. Make It Mine 3:08
02. I'm Yours 4:03
03. Lucky (feat. Colbie Caillat) 3:09
04. Butterfly 5:00
05. Live High 4:12
06. Love for a Child 4:05
07. Details in the Fabric (feat. James Morrison) 5:45
08. Coyotes 3:38
09. Only Human 4:02
10. The Dynamo of Volition 3:36
11. If It Kills Me 4:33
12. A Beautiful Mess 5:38

Feel free to download this album by clicking here. Once you get addicted to his album, please buy the original one. I'm just sharing the ripped version, you won't get satisfied by them *grin* Leave me a message if the link doesn't work. Thanks~

So, enjoy your Mraz! ;)

The Priest, The Prince, and The Princess

2009-01-23T22:37:00.005+07:00

I was just searching for an inspiration to write my SWOT analysis when I found something funny. It's a narrative story we made in high school~~~~ *LOL*

Really, when I re-read the story again, I found it soo much funny! Well it might just be an effort to get high score back then, but now it sounds so funny! Gila, lebay banget gitu hahahah~ guw sampe bingung,, kok bisa sih guw yang dulu menulis hal2 selebay ini!? *LMAO*

Waktu itu guw sekelompok bahasa inggris sama Ria, Felchick, Anin. Guw inget banget, gimana pas guw kasih draft ceritanya ke Ria, Ria langsung teriak2 saking lebaynya tuh cerita. wakakakak!!

So the story is about a girl, named Marinette, mistaking a man to be her fiancée. Soon she fell in love with that man who was in fact a priest who had been having an amnesia.

We titled it as...

"" The Priest, The Prince, and The Princess ""

** The ROLE **
Anin as Marinette
Ria as Father Greg (The Priest)
Felchick as Christopher (The Real Fiancée)
me as Sister Anne (The Headmistress) and narrator

Here's the most 'lebay' one which gave me (the drafter herself) a chill... XD

. ~ * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * ~ .

...

“You like roses? I don’t really like them. They seem to be really arrogant and always showing off their beauty, but in fact they are mean, they have thorns,” said Marinette.

“Well I don’t really think so. They may seem so pretty but on the other hand they are weak. That’s why they have to protect themselves with thorns. Besides, whatever they do they won’t be that harmful,” said the guy wisely.

Marinette was so impressed by his words, “Oh, so sweet… for someone who could do metaphor with roses must’ve been one romantic guy. How lucky I am!”

“What flowers do you like, Princess?”

At first, Marinette was so surprised he called her a princess, “What did you call me?”

“Princess.”

“Why are you calling me like that?”

“Cause, you look like one,” answered the guy.

For the second time Marinette was spoiled by his words, “Do I really look like one?”

“Of course Princess.”

With that words, her mind flew far away, “Oh so romantic, me? A Princess?”

...

' ~ * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * ~ '

It was a sad ending story. Once the priest got his memories back, he forgot about Marinette. He was as conscious as himself for being a priest. (Oh, I forgot to mention that the priest's name was Gregarious)

. ~ * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * ~ .

...

“Yes I remember my true identity, but I don’t know you myself. I’ve just heard stories from others about you,” he said.

Marinette didn’t know what to do. She didn’t even know why she was asking this question, “So that’s why you know my name?”

She really didn’t want to hear it, but she heard a simple, “Yes,”

She couldn’t stand her tears. She couldn’t even control herself. But she really wanted to remake all the circumstance up. “Have you ever loved me?”

Greg’s blue eyes stared at her straightly, and sincerely. “I always love you, Princess Marinette, like I always do to entire God’s creature. I love God, humans, the earth and all the things. Because I’m a priest,”

...

' ~ * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * ~ '

Hehehe,, ga tau tuh, apakah lebay atau melting. *ya lebay lah!* ckakakak!

Kayaknya dulu ini bodoh2an yang buat ketawa2an aja ya. Yah,, makin lebay, nilainya makin tinggi donk. Apalagi waktu itu narrative ini didramain. Tapi klo inget sekarang, gila guw jadi kangen banget. I come to think how happy my high school life was back then...

Miss you all my friends!

Such A Funny Game ~Bleeding Love~

2009-01-22T21:23:00.004+07:00

This little game is pretty funny. Try it and have fun!!!

RULES:
1. Put your iTunes, Windows Media Player, etc. on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS.
4. Tag 20 friends.
5. Everyone tagged as to do the same thing.
6. Have Fun!

IF SOMEONE SAYS 'ARE YOU OKAY' YOU SAY?
Night Runner (Justin Timberlake feat. Duran Duran)
~waduh! malem2 mah tidur (online) tau,, kok lari2 sih... acekacek...

HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOURSELF?
When I Grow Up (Pussycat Dolls)
~I don't wanna in movies when I grow up XD

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Home (Westlife)
~what, do I feel like home? *LOL*

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
The Remedy, I Won't Worry (Jason Mraz)
~woohoo~~~ mantap gan!

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
Happily Screwed (The Wombats)
~LMAO!!

WHAT'S YOUR MOTTO?
Ready to Fly (Amy Pearson feat. Rio Febrian)
~asoy abez! ckakakaka!

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Stars In Their Eyes (Just Jack)
~aww~ I love you guys! =]

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Can You Believe (Robin Thick)
~wakakak! kok gitu sih mam, pi? ;p

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Love Like This (Natasha Bedingfield feat. Sean Kingston)
~kayak guw lagi jatuh cinta aja.. acekacek...

WHAT IS 2 + 2?
Lovestoned (Justin Timberlake)
~lho??

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
I Will Remember You (Ryan Cabrera)
~you're my best, of course I'll remember no matter what =)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Geek In Pink (Jason Mraz)
~oh sh*t,, I just love(d) pink

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Do The Panic (Phantom Planet)
~*LOL* so i'm not panic enough now?

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
I Wanna Have Your Babies (Natasha Bedingfield)
~wakakakak!! gilee,, guw ga senapsu itu juga kalii hahaha~

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Way Back Into Love (Hugh Grant and Haley Bannet)
~aww~ so sweet~

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Live High (Jason Mraz)
~so everyone's hoping I'll live high in the heaven? XP

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST??
1000 Fists (Distubed)
~oops, do I punch? XP

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR??
Lost (Michael Buble)
~kalo guw ilank, cariin guw ya teman2, mami, papi...

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
From Where You Are (Lifehouse)
~yaampyun,, yaud guw kasih tau... dari enyak babe guw lah..

WHAT DO YOU WANT RIGHT NOW?
True (Ryan Cabrera)
~hehehe... for now please don't be true, myself...

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Indestructible (Disturbed)
~hihihi,, kalian hebat teman2ku~

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
Bleeding Love (Leona Lewis)
~udah ngerti kan? jadi jangan salah paham yak wakakakak!

That was mine, try yours too! ;p

Not Ready for New Year !

2008-12-31T14:25:00.001+07:00

Ada yang bilang, "New day, new experience!" Yah,, bener sih. Ga mungkin kita mengalami hal yang sama lebih dari satu hari. Tiap hari, pasti akan muncul masalah baru, muncul tantangan baru, begitu begitu begitu terus, sampai akhirnya! Tau2 udah tanggal 31 Desember! Tau2 udah di penghujung akhir taon 2008! Tau2 nyokap udah beli ini itu persiapan old&new nanti!

Wew...

Actually, I really really wish today will be a looooong day. Why? Because I haven't even prepared anything for the new year! Harusnya, "New year, new spirit, new experience!" kan? Tapi, guw masih belum dapet semangat taun baru itu... Pertama, kamar guw aja masih sangat amat berantakan, bahkan lebih berantakan dari TPA! Kedua, I haven't think about my new-year-resolutions! Ketiga, guw merasa belom melakukan apa2 di taon 2008!

Dan... Yang paling mengganjal sih, karena guw merasa belom siap untuk meninggalkan sesuatu dari taon 2008 ini.

I'm the type of person who always thinks there's always tomorrow. Therefore, I postphone everything until it comes near to the deadline. Sebenernya untuk yang satu ini emang ga ada deadline sih, secara ini cuma masalah yang ada dalam diri guw sendiri aja. Tapi bisa ga ya, untuk masalah yang satu ini guw bilang, "Gapapa deh, masih ada besok!"?

Tapi, yang namanya masalah itu, makin dipikir, makin ga ketemu jawabannya, dan akhirnya makin males deh hahahah! Dan~ karena sakin udah malesnya, guw jadi berpikir, "Apa2 ga ya, klo guw menyongsong tahun baru dengan membiarkan (kamar) guw berantakan kayak gini?" *grin*

Playlist for this Christmas

2008-12-28T00:51:00.001+07:00

1-2 hari sebelum UAS dimulai, guw main2. Gunyu2 ga jelas, bukannya belajar, malah online melulu. Akhirnya, dengan status2 guw yang mengundang (karena saking dodolnya) itu, banyak yang komentarlah! Ujung2nya, jadi makin ga belajar deh hahaha!

Bodohnya lagi, main2 guw itu parah banget. Kata seorang temen guw, maen2 guw itu diibaratkan, udah maen api pake minyak pula! Hahaha.. Pikir2 bener juga sih, udah tau mau ujian, kok malah main "api"?? Wakakakak~

Untungnya, dampaknya ga langsung muncul. Munculnya cuma pas ujian2 yang dalam tanda kutip bisalah ga pake belajar. Tapi tetep aja, ternyata berat juga yah hahaha!

Dari hasil2 guw cerita2 sama beberapa temen, guw jadi belajar banyak hal juga. Guw jadi tau hal2 tentang diri sendiri, yang sebelumnya ga guw ketahui. Tapi, kebanyakan dari semua itu, justru membuat guw makin ga puas sama diri sendiri.

Even though I know I shouldn't have done it, I did it. Even though I understand it's been decided and I should keep moving forward, I keep looking back.

Pada dasarnya manusia itu gampang mentolerir dirinya sendiri. And that's exactly what I'm doing right now! *lol* Tapi guw pikir, mungkin gapapa kali ya.. Mumpung guw punya waktu sekitar sebulan untuk menenangkan diri. Mumpung guw punya keluarga dan teman2 yang baik, yang selalu maafin keegoisan guw... =p Thanks a lot everyone, I really really love you so much!

Barusan aja,, kakak guw ngomel. "Kenapa loe muter lagu itu mulu sih? Bosen guw!"

Dya bilang gitu,, soalnya,, saat ini di "playlist" guw cuma ada 1 lagu. Just in case you wanna know,, read the lyrics below... ^.~ (and here to download it!)

YOU AND I BOTH
by JASON MRAZ

Was it you who spoke the words that things would happen but not to me?
All things are gonna happen naturally
Oh, taking your advice and I'm looking on the bright side
And balancing the whole thing

Oh, but at often times those words get tangled up in a line
And the bright light turns to night
Oh, until the dawn it brings
Another day to sing about the magic that was you and me

Cause you and I both loved
What you and I spoke of
And others just read of
Others only read of, of the love
Of the love that I loved

See I'm all about them words
Over numbers, unencumbered numbered words
Hundreds of pages, pages, pages for words
More words than I had ever heard, and I feel so alive
Cause you and I both loved
What you and I spoke of
And others just read of
And if you could see me now
Oh, love love You and I, You and I
Not so little you and I anymore
And with this silence brings a moral story
More importantly evolving is the glory of a boy

Cause you and I both loved
What you and I spoke of
And others just read of
And if you could see me now
Well, then I'm almost finally out of...
I'm finally out of...
Finally deedeedeedeedeedee
Well I'm almost finally, finally
Well I am free
Oh, I'm free

And it's okay if you had to go away
Oh, just remember that telephones
Well, they work out of both ways
But if I never ever hear them ring
If nothing else I'll think the bells inside
Have finally found you someone else and that's okay
Cause I'll remember everything you sang

Cause you and I both loved
What you and I spoke of
And others just read of and if you could see me now
Well, then I'm almost finally out of...
I'm finally out of...
Finally deedeedeedeedeede
Well I'm almost finally, finally
Out of words...

ready~ GO!!

2008-12-27T15:46:00.000+07:00

Once, I thought, what's the point of writing a blog? I needn't anyone to know about whatsoever happened in my life anyway, so such a thing was just not my thing... But well, people change their mind as the time goes by! *wink*

It will be my first post, so I guess I have to write something good. But it happens to be silly~ *LOL* Well spare me, I'm a silly bunny anyway..

So! Happy reading?